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In her new book, “Free From All Three Including Me,” Virgin Islander Charisma Dewindt Spencer, a flight attendant for Delta Airlines, shares her journey through three failed marriages and picking up the pieces of her life with the help of God.
“My book is my process that God took me through so I could become completely free from anger, pain, the need for payback, insecurities, different things that come with relationships,” she said.
When she first married, it was because of the pressure of family and having kids, marrying because she had always wanted to be a wife and “have that family love factor that I was missing as a child.”
Her second marriage felt like one of “desperation,” with financial pressures affecting the relationship. She thought the third was the charm, “like Etta James singing ‘At last, my love has come along.’” She thought she had found someone she could share her whole world with. After four years, her husband decided he wanted something else. She tried to work on the relationship for four more years, but it ultimately failed. She was overwhelmed with hurt, anger, disappointment and disbelief.
“That’s when it began to happen, the process,” she said. “It wasn’t until I got to that space and I was like ‘Lord, I need you.’ I started having conversations and prayer with God and God started doing a work in me and brought people into my life to help pick up the pieces of my rejection. I asked God to heal me and do a work on me by transforming me with the renewal of my mind. I kept talking to the Lord and he said to go to therapy.”
One thing that stuck in her mind during therapy was when the therapist urged her to get back in touch with the girl she was at 18 before she got pregnant. What she found was a girl full of insecurities that she carried into adult life. She started pulling back the layers and picking up the pieces of her life, realizing you can’t lose yourself in a relationship. Sometimes you have to say what you feel and not be quiet, but do it with love rather than anger.
“It’s a healing that needs to take place and a growing and a maturing. All these things I’m gaining through the process,” DeWindt Spencer said. “I have another chapter in the book talking to God and being under arrest by the Holy Spirit. When I came out of the grieving and crying stages, I literally had to be placed under arrest by the Holy Spirit and that was the place where I needed to be so I could be planted, so I could be watered, under arrest so I didn’t get into trouble that I couldn’t get myself out of. That helped me to see that I was wearing a mask, so I started to take off the mask of running from things, not thinking things through. I started to see I have some roles that I was playing. If you sow bad seeds, you’re going to reap bad seeds. It took a lot of maturity to admit that you sowed bad seeds and hurt someone. I decided I’m no longer going to be a breaker. I can see the parts that I played.”
DeWindt Spencer’ decided to write the book to share her journey of how God matured her with the hope that others going through a breakup or divorce or any other sort of brokenness can relate to her experience, know they are not alone and start to pick up their own pieces.
“A lot of the times we’re out there in the wilderness and we get into that fight or flight mode, but I decided that I’m worth fighting for. I learned who I was in Christ and I learned who I was as Charisma,” she said.
“Free From All Three Including Me” was released in Nov. 19, DeWindt Spencer’s my divorce date. It can be found on Amazon and at 340 Book Store in Crown Bay, St. Thomas.