It’s come to this
The Pokemon Co. has made Japanese brides’ dreams come true with its announcement that it is collaborating with a wedding planner to offer sanctioned ceremonies with its characters in attendance, dressed as a bride and groom.
Yes, Pikachu will stand up with you and your betrothed (as long as you go to Japan to tie the knot), and the icing on the cake is Pokemon-themed food items and a Pikachu cake topper. Finally, United Press International reports, for your scrapbook, you’ll have a marriage certificate decorated with Pokemon imagery — surely an item you’ll want to preserve in a licensed Pokemon photo frame.
Stay with me here
Around 1:40 a.m. on May 9, as an unnamed Cocoa, Florida, homeowner slept in her garage, a black Cadillac crashed into the structure, missing her by only inches, according to the 911 call. The Cadillac was stolen, it turns out, and was fleeing an Orange County Sheriff’s Office patrol vehicle — which was also stolen and being driven by someone impersonating a police officer. After the crash, WFTV reported, the imposter patrolman continued trying to pull over vehicles before speeding away. The patrol SUV was later abandoned behind a shopping plaza in Cocoa.
Least competent criminal
Police in Lincoln, Nebraska, responded to a call on May 21 about a domestic assault. They didn’t find the suspect, identified as Markel Towner, 26, in the residence, but someone who matched his description was sitting outside in a car. When questioned, the man said his name was Deangelo Towns, but a fashion faux pas led officers to suspect he was lying — a lanyard around the man’s neck clearly bore the name “Markel Towner.” After some resistance, KETV reported, Towner was finally subdued and arrested on a variety of charges.
An unidentified man in Tuscumbia, Alabama, did what so many of us do every day: He went online to Amazon to order some household items. But when his package arrived on May 23, he was alarmed to discover a urine sample from a private citizen, not the shower curtain and rings he’d ordered. “When I reached in and pulled it out (it was) some kind of urine specimen or something like that,” he told WHNT. An Amazon representative said the company was “very sorry” about the mistake and would send his bathroom accessories right away, but declined to have him return the sample.
— May 17 wasn’t the first time Dan Smith of Seattle found a Car2Go vehicle left in the driveway of his rental property, so he erected a fence around it and posted NO TRESPASSING signs and other warnings. He then informed Car2Go’s parent company, Share Now, that he wanted $65 per day for storage, $300 for the fence and $500 for harassment. Share Now responded to inquiries from KIRO saying seven different customers tried to rent the car a day after it was left in Smith’s driveway but couldn’t because of the barricade. Asad Rasheed, who lives in Smith’s building, said the errantly parked vehicles are a common problem: “People are not made aware of where to park, where not to park and how to use them,” Rasheed said. Share Now has agreed to work with Smith but told the TV station they wouldn’t be paying him.
— Damon Hudson, 25, of St. Ives, England, first noticed his missing milk delivery on May 17. “My milk delivery means the world to me. My little brother and sister can’t function without their cereal in the morning,” Hudson told Metro News. He could see the thief on his doorbell video footage, but he didn’t want to bother the police with such a trivial case, so after two weeks of going milk-less, he set up his own sting. Hudson introduced a couple of new ingredients in the milk bottle: fish oil and his own urine. “Hopefully that’s the end. The weirdo deserves it.” No word on whether the thief has found a new target.
Gwen Lynch, the lone 2019 graduate of the eighth grade at Cuttyhunk Elementary School on Cuttyhunk Island, Massachusetts, will receive the accolades and advice of a celebrity graduation speaker, actress and comedian Jenny Slate, on June 17. The island, which has a year-round population of only about a dozen people, is familiar to Slate, whose parents live nearby, reported the Cape Cod Times. Gwen has also been working on her own speech. Graduation festivities will include a potluck dinner, and organizers expect a “packed house”: “Most of the town will be there,” predicted Michael Astrue, who secured Slate for the address.
Unclear on the concept
For reasons that remain unclear, a local police officer drove a beach patrol ATV into a marsh on Tybee Island, Georgia, on May 31, where it became stuck in the mud. Officials with the Georgia Department of Natural Resources say the officer then used a City of Tybee pickup truck to try to free the ATV, but the truck also became stuck. City workers next attempted to pull both vehicles out using two backhoes, which also succumbed to the marsh. An excavator was finally able to free one of the backhoes from the muck, but the Coastal Resources Division of the DNR reported to WSAV that it will likely take a barge and crane to extricate the other three vehicles. Tybee city officials are conducting an investigation.
Don’t mess with Texas... or with 41-year-old Doris Vallejo-Godoy of Austin, Texas, who pulled a gun on a man at La Catedral del Marisco, a Mexican restaurant, according to an arrest affidavit. The June 2 scuffle began as a disagreement about who would be up next for karaoke, the Statesman reported. The man told police that as they argued, Vallejo-Godoy struck him, then pulled out her gun and pointed it at him. She also threatened a waitress who tried to intervene, the affidavit said. Police arrived as Vallejo-Godoy was arguing in the parking lot with her girlfriend; she was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and unlawful carrying of a concealed weapon.