What’s the difference between a kid and a teen? Technically, it looks like the presence of slime. This weekend belongs to choice. Saturday brings “Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Sports 2019” (8 p.m. Saturday, TV-G), followed by “Teen Choice 2019” (8 p.m. Sunday, Fox, TV-PG).
Look for plenty of gooey shenanigans on the “Kids’” show, hosted by NFL great and morning show host Michael Strahan. The honorees include “Kids’ Choice Sports” legend and NBA shooting guard Dwyane Wade. Outspoken women’s soccer player and star of the World Cup-winning American team Megan Rapinoe has been chosen for the Generation of Change Award. Winners will emerge in a variety of categories like Favorite Gymnast and less conventional choices like Queen of Swag (most stylish) and Sickest Moves.
A tradition on Fox dating back some two decades, “Teen Choice” announces the verdicts of teen surveys on the web and social media concerning a variety of categories from music to fashion. Lucy Hale (“Pretty Little Liars”), a winner of seven TC trophies, will host, along with digital star David Dobrik (“The Angry Birds Movie 2”).
If you’re cynical enough to see this as little more than a perfect vehicle for advertising back-to-school sales, you’re neither a kid nor a teen.
• You know a show’s writing team has run off the rails when even the profanity sounds awkward and forced. The media tycoon family empire drama “Succession” (9 p.m. Sunday, HBO, TV-MA) returns for a second season.
Shakespearean actor Brian Cox stars as Logan Roy, a media mogul modeled on any number of figures from Sumner Redstone to Rupert Murdoch. As the season opens, his seemingly catatonic son Kendall (Jeremy Strong) is roused from some kind of health spa to make a media announcement renouncing his role in an outsider’s effort to seize control of the old man’s company.
The threat inspires a convergence of Logan’s spawn at some oceanside mansion. Siblings Roman Roy (Keiran Culkin) and Siobhan (Sarah Snook) do little but share obscenity-laced observations about their family and each other. Their cruel and filthy dialogue seems more intended to be quoted or go viral on social media than to sound like words that actual human beings might say to each other.
The corporate conclave and family gathering are hampered by the presence of a lingering odor, a big stink whose origins remain mysterious. Patriarch Logan describes it in typically unprintable terms, something about the private parts of a cheesemonger, a stilted bit of phrase- making that captures this series at its most pointless and pretentious.
In addition to bad writing, the season opener features a lot of time-wasting process. We spend a lot of time driving Kendall to his brief press announcement. The staff arrives in waves at the Logan mansion and meticulously lays out a sumptuous spread. I’m surprised we weren’t treated to watching them vacuum the rugs.
Over the past few years, both HBO and Showtime have lavished great expense and assembled impressive casts to present “Succession” and “Billions,” one show duller than the next. Both series reflect an almost pornographic obsession with money. While viewing and reviewing them, I had to ask myself, but for the presence of staggering wealth and attendant power, why would anybody find these people sympathetic or interesting? I still haven’t found an answer.
• The new docuseries “Strange World” (10 p.m. Sunday, Travel, TV-14) sets out to find some real “Stranger Things” at a military research facility on Long Island.
• Pride’s replacement arrives on “NCIS: New Orleans” (8 p.m., CBS, R, TV-14).
• Heaven’s wedded bliss is invaded by evil spirits in the 2019 shocker “V.C. Andrews’ Fallen Hearts” (8 p.m., Lifetime, TV-14), co-starring Jason Priestley (“BH90210”), who also directs.
• A restaurant owner clashes with a rival in the 2019 romance “A Taste of Summer” (9 p.m., Hallmark, TV-G).
• David Attenborough hosts “Wild Singapore” (9 p.m., BBC America, TV-G).
• The dating series “Black Love” (9 p.m., OWN, TV-14) enters its third season.
• A conveyor belt delivers objects that spark reflections and observations in the standup special “My Favorite Shapes by Julio Torres” (10:30 p.m., HBO, TV-14).
• “Great Performances at the Met” (Noon, PBS) presents Wagner’s epic opera “Die Walkure.” Christine Goerke stars as Brunnhilde. Philippe Jordan conducts.
• Scheduled on “60 Minutes” (7 p.m., CBS): A CIA agent caught spying for China; an architect inspired by his blindness; a 12-year-old musical prodigy.
• Women’s Gymnastics Championships, live from Kansas City (8 p.m., NBC).
• A glance ahead at the 10th season of “The Walking Dead” (8 p.m., AMC, TV-14).
• On two helpings of “Instinct” (CBS, TV-14), undercover in an erotic demimonde (9 p.m.), blood on the skating rink (10 p.m.).
• Drought changes everything on “Serengeti” (8 p.m., Discovery, TV-PG).
• Off-road antics in Iceland on “Top Gear” (8 p.m., BBC America, TV-14).
• “The Movies” (9 p.m., CNN) glances at the films of the 1960s.
• Will faces a fateful decision on the season finale of “Grantchester” on “Masterpiece” (9 p.m., PBS, TV-PG).
• The gang encourages survivors to come forward on “Fear the Walking Dead” (9 p.m., AMC, TV-MA).
• A source from out of the blue contacts Decourcy on “City on a Hill” (9 p.m., Showtime, TV-MA).
• On the eve of the 2016 Republican convention that nominates Donald Trump, Roger’s scandals catch up with him on the finale of “The Loudest Voice” (10 p.m., Showtime, TV-MA). A book that should have inspired a very good television movie got bogged down in a seven-part limited series.
• “The Weekly” (10 p.m., FX, TV-MA) looks at Brazil’s recent election to examine the impact of YouTube on voter psychology.
• A widower father (Alan Arkin) schemes to find a better life for his children in the 1969 comedy “Popi” (8 p.m. Saturday, TCM, TV-14). The movie inspired a 1976 sitcom starring Hector Elizondo.
Jay Leno judges on “America’s Got Talent” (8 p.m., NBC, R, TV-PG) ... The top 10 women compete on “So You Think You Can Dance” (8 p.m., Fox, R, TV-14) ... A contemporary phone booth on “Shark Tank” (8 p.m., ABC, R, TV-PG) ... Two hours of “48 Hours” (9 p.m., CBS, R) ... Jamie Foxx hosts “Beat Shazam” (9 p.m., Fox, R, TV-PG) ... “Press Your Luck” (9 p.m., ABC, R, TV-PG) ... “Dateline” (10 p.m., NBC, R) ... “Card Sharks” (10 p.m., ABC, R, TV-PG).
“Big Brother” (8 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) ... “Celebrity Family Feud” (8 p.m., ABC, R, TV-PG) ... Illusionists audition on “Penn & Teller Fool Us” (8 p.m., CW, R, TV-PG).
“The $100,000 Pyramid” (9 p.m., ABC, TV-14) ... Dean Cain hosts “Masters of Illusion” (9 p.m. and 9:30 p.m., CW, R, TV-PG) ... “To Tell the Truth” (10 p.m., ABC, TV-PG).